Jennette McCurdy Reveals Struggle with Eating Disorder

Jennette McCurdy has decided to candidly talk about her health struggles.

The 26-year-old former iCarly star penned an extremely personal letter to Huffington Post where she opened up about her eating disorder battle.

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“My disordered eating started when I was 11. As a child actress working in Hollywood, I quickly learned that remaining physically small for my age meant I had a better chance of booking more roles,” Jennette writes. “Unfortunately, I had a trusty and dedicated companion ready to help me with my burgeoning anorexia: my mom!”

Jennette then explained how her mom struggled with anorexia saying she’s “not convinced [my mom] ever overcame her disordered eating.”

She then talks about being cast on iCarly alongside Miranda Cosgrove when she barely ate.

“I became even more fixated on food and my body. I monitored every bite I took,” Jennette writes. “I exercised obsessively. I measured my thighs with a measuring tape every night before bed.”

Jennette‘s mom was then diagnosed with cancer for the second time, which began her “binge eating phase.”

“I still tracked, calculated and obsessed about every single thing that went into my mouth, just the same as when I had anorexia. The only difference was that I was eating a lot more,” Jennette continues. “I was constantly preoccupied with food. Nothing meant more to me than my next bite and nothing gave me more shame than my last one. I was in a toxic, self-loathing cycle.”

Eventually Jennete‘s sister-in-law confronted her about her fluctuating weight – which began her recovery process.

“Recovery was brutal. It felt like breaking up with a bad boyfriend whom I loved even though I knew I shouldn’t,” Jennette adds. “He treated me poorly, he ruined my life, he consistently devastated me, and yet, without him, who was I really?”

Jennette admits she’s had slip-ups, but is focused on on staying on the healthy track.

“Anytime I’ve had a slip, I’ve gotten back on my program. It’s been two years and I’m doing well, recovering and moving forward. I still get eating disorder urges, compulsions and occasional fantasies. I still hear that old eating disorder voice, but luckily I hear it less and less often,” Jennette concludes. “And when I do hear it, I now have the tools to muffle it.”

You can read Jennette‘s full essay at HuffintonPost.com.